Does this scenario appeal to you?
Your virtual lover is a vision of perfection. Created with your choice of body type and height, hair and eye color, voice tone, and body scent. Further, you have chosen their personality (masculine, feminine, non-binary, shy, seductive, humorous, dominant, submissive) and apparent level of intelligence. You have hand-selected their hobbies and the things they like to talk about (football, sexual fantasies, popular books, you). They seem to care about your feelings, and you only have to tell them once how to give you a mind-blowing orgasm. They have no needs of their own, which means that your sexual satisfaction is their reward. Since they don’t have bad days, they are never irritable. They don’t care if you brushed your teeth in the last 24 hours or put on something attractive to wear. They don’t have a bad time of the month, get angry when you forget their birthday or side with the wrong political party. As a result, you can save all your time and energy for whatever is important to you: sex, work, video games, whatever. How’s that for a lover?
At first glance, this may sound too contrived and perfect. There’s little reminiscent of a real romance in this scenario. However, in truth, many of us are susceptible to easily and efficiently getting our needs met. Consider the popularity of fast food, Zoom meetings, ChatGPT, and smartphones. Perhaps skeptical initially, many of us now use these conveniences regularly. Similarly, sexual satisfaction achieved without a human partner is already super common. For example, three of the 15 most popular websites in the USA are porn (Wright et al., 2023), and research suggests that many people report physiologically more powerful orgasms when masturbating than with their partner (Levin, 2007).
In fact, if I were going to create a society most supportive of intimacy with technology, I’d probably do the following:
- Start kids on technology young so that they become used to interacting with it in all aspects of their lives.
- Highlight how dangerous people can be—such as through bullying or other examples of public rage—so that individuals don’t feel safe or trust each other.
- Increase people’s stress levels, depression, and anxiety so that they feel increasingly dysfunctional, incapable, and needy.
- Create affordable sex tech capable of simulating human emotional relationships, such as via chatbot girlfriends or avatars.
Wait, isn’t this what’s already happening?
And now, you are thinking, “Well, OK, but no one prefers sex tech to a human partner. There’s nothing to worry about.”
To which I reply, “The issue isn’t what people prefer. It’s whether their needs are being met by a human partner. Sex tech is designed to meet unmet needs. How many people do you know who feel that their intimacy needs are well-met by humans these days?”
You: “Well, really, who cares? So what if people are having sex with tech?”
Me: “If you aren’t concerned about the potential negative impact on some adults, I hope you can recognize the serious risks for at least some adolescents. Adolescent brains are still forming and highly neuroplastic, more responsive to the environment than at any point outside of infancy. We know that the average age adolescents first view porn is age 13 (Brown & Wisco, 2019). We know that adults experience VR porn as much more arousing than traditional 2D porn (Elsey, 2019). We don’t yet know the impact of VR porn exposure on adolescents’ experience of intimacy.”
You “How is this new sex tech any different than the porn we all grew up with? I turned out OK.”
Me: “That’s a great question. And yes, it is different. Research is already demonstrating that VR porn is experienced more powerfully as measured by the brain chemical oxytocin (Dekker et al., 2021), as even measures of sperm quality (Rosenkjaer et al., 2022). When you consider this increase in sex tech potency with the fact that people are dating less and having less sex, it’s time we pay attention.”
You: “Well, what about all the benefits that sex tech will bring to humanity? You’re focusing on only half the story here.”
Me: “It’s true that sex tech brings a variety of benefits to humanity. It enables people without partners to have sexual experiences, it provides unlimited opportunities for people to explore sexual identities and orientations creatively, and it helps people add interest to their existing sexual relationship(s), among other things. However, focusing on the good while ignoring the risks leaves humanity less prepared to deal with the negative fallout from advancing sex tech.”
I’m hoping I’ve now convinced you.
Pretending advancing sex tech will not profoundly impact humanity strikes me as naive and a grave mistake. We need to do this right the first time. Today, the tech industry is determining the future of human intimacy. It’s time for us to join them and become more involved in this dialogue so that we may enjoy all the pleasure that sex tech has to offer while mitigating the downsides. I think the humans of tomorrow are depending on us.
